


lost satellite

by kagehinayuu



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Homesick Lance (Voltron), I Tried, Injured Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance is sad, Light Angst, M/M, Why Did I Write This?, keith is a smol bean, this happened at three in the morning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-31 03:25:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10890696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kagehinayuu/pseuds/kagehinayuu
Summary: He looks at the stars and thinks that maybe being a superhero doesn't sound so great anymore.





	lost satellite

**Author's Note:**

> Me indulging in Klance fluff. I apologize in advance.

Black.

Empty.

Void.

That is all Lance can see. He stares but all he can see is the twinkling stars shining in the dark void of space. Nothing more, nothing less. He wonders, sometimes, if they will ever see anything _but_ this depressing scene. Because no matter how much Lance loves the stars, loves flying, being seen as some kind of superhero and being up in space with some of the best people he could have ever met in his life, he gets tired—so, _so_ tired of seeing the same thing. He wants to see the sun, gleaming brightly on the sapphire ocean as the waves crashed into the shore; Lance wants to see the blue sky, the white clouds that he would sometimes watch with his sister, Sophia. He wants to feel the heat of a campfire as he laughs loudly at one of his Papa's _horrible_ jokes.

Lance wants all this. The problem is, however, that he can't have it.

Don't get him wrong—he loves being here, loves the little makeshift family he has with the other paladins and Allura and Coran. They help, sometimes, with the loneliness that Lance feels. Hunk will always be there with a big snuggle and smile when he sees that Lance isn't up to par; Pidge will talk about whatever neat technology they found on some barren planet just to take his mind off it; Shiro always recommends training; Coran makes him clean out the healing pods just because it's something to do; Allura brings the mice to him and Lance thinks that helps a little; Keith, for the most part just pats Lance comfortingly on the shoulder like he knows but isn't exactly sure how to give the comfort Lance needs. Sometimes it is so endearing that Lance just cracks a grin because of it.

(Keith always looks offended afterwards, like Lance is making fun of him—which _come on_ , he totally was.)

But sometimes Lance's little family here on the Castle of Lions isn't enough. He loves them so much, would die for them, but he just _misses_ home. Home as in Earth, as in his family in Varadero. He misses the hot sand sifting through his toes as he raced to the cool waves, trying to beat his cousins and siblings into the salty water. He misses his abuela's home cooked meals that they had every weekend when Lance would return from the Garrison. He misses his aunts and uncles, his cousin Xavier, who he would always dribble a soccer ball with because they both had a fondness for the sport. Most of all, he misses his mom.

His sweet, caring mother who sacrificed so much for them. Lance knows that it couldn't have been easy raising five children in a tiny house with only four small rooms and a tiny bedroom that they all had to share. He remembers walking in on her one night—a bad night. She had been sitting on the toilet in the bathroom, hands on her eyes and when Lance walked in, she had looked up, her eyes bloodshot red. Lance had never seen someone look so distraught. He asked what was wrong, of course, because how could he not when his beautiful mother was crying on the bathroom toilet at midnight? It had him frowning hard, something uncomfortable settling in his stomach as he watched her.

"Nothing, baby," she had said, bringing him in for a hug. "Mama just needed some alone time."

Lance had been what, eight or nine at the time, and furrowed his eyebrows as he tucked his head into her neck uncomfortably (he was too tall for his age). He had gripped her back, however, silently wondering if he could have possibly done something wrong, but not voicing it because his mama needed him and he wasn't going to let her down. The next day, Lance figured out—through an overheard conversation with his papa and her—that she had to quit college and drop her medical degree because it was too expensive to continue doing that and take care of the kids. Lance didn't come out of his room for the whole day afterwards.

He stares at the emptiness that space has to offer him and thinks, _When I come home, Mama, I'm going to make sure you get that Bachelor's degree and become the best damn doctor anyone has ever seen_. He wonders, at that moment, how she is, what she is doing, how the twins are. He wonders if they think he's dead. He wonders if they miss him. He wonders if he would miss him if he was them. _Probably not_ , he thinks, crossing his legs over one another.

The little niche he is currently residing in is not the coziest, _at all_ , but it is far away from everyone, somewhere no one can find him and it works for him. Lance frowns, something dark and sinister coiling around his heart, squeezing it almost painfully. He wonders how much longer they'll have to stay in space, how much longer it'll take until they've defeated Zarkon. He wonders if he'll ever see home again. Lance clenches his teeth and tries not to think about it too much. He curls up in his little corner and tries to block out everything.

When the sirens blare and red flashes, Lance wants to groan, wants to stay hidden away from the world, unseen and protected. He just doesn't have the heart to face the Galra ships or whatever else Zarkon threw at them this time. Lance stands. He looks out at the stars and thinks that maybe being a superhero doesn't sound so great anymore.

Lance runs for his hangar.

* * *

 

Blue twists and turns, avoiding the bright beam that the laser cannon shoots at them. Lance grunts and dodges more Galra ships. He tries to escape their clutches, tries to get some higher ground so he can be on the offense and not the defense, but it isn't working out too well. He can hear Keith shouting something at Hunk in his ear, but it sounds far away to him, like Keith is underwater or something. He fiddles with the controls of Blue and swerves around another ship.

When Allura debriefed them, Lance had barely paid attention. He had tried, really. He wanted to listen, wanted to help in any way he possibly could, but his head was pounding, his ears feeling like cotton. His mind had been whirling with thoughts of family. Of _home_. He didn't remember when his homesickness became such a problem that even listening to simple instructions was difficult. All Lance had known was that he wanted this to be over, wanted to go home to his family and just _breathe_ , for once. He didn't care if that was him being selfish because everyone was selfish, whether they liked to admit it or not. And Lance—Lance was so _fucking_ selfish.

He had felt Blue's discomfort when thinking these things. Had felt her wrap something warm and comforting around his thoughts. A temporary blanket to cover the dreadful feelings and thoughts.

Lance had smiled minimally, patting Blue's interior softly in thanks. He had thought he would be okay for the remainder of the fight, that he would be able to contain his depressing thoughts, but then Shiro wanted them to form Voltron. And they couldn't.

Coran said something about a psychic bond or something; that if not all of the paladin's are thinking about forming Voltron then the transformation won't work. So, thanks to Lance and his stupid, mindless, petty thoughts they were stuck fighting a giant Galra ship plus the smaller ones flanked around them with their Lions. No Voltron. Because of Lance. Always.

It was always him. He just screwed everything up, it seemed.

Pidge had been frustrated, wondering who in the bond isn't one hundred percent in the game and for them to fix their shit so they could _form Voltron and beat some Galra ass_. Everyone else had been thinking the same and it all came back to Lance, of course.

"Lance," Shiro had called for him. "Everything okay?"

Lance had nodded, but then remembered that Shiro could not, in fact, see him in that moment. He had taken a deep breath, trying to collect himself before he had to lie straight to everyone's face (or ears, whatever). Blue had reached into his mind, purring solace thoughts to him and Lance didn't struggle as much as he said, "'Course, Shiro! Just thinking of all the beauty sleep I'm going to need after we take down these Galra punks." He had laughed jokingly after that, because that's just who Lance was.

Keith had not been happy, too say the least. "Well, quit fooling around! We need to form Voltron to take out this fleet of Galra ships and we can't do that when your mind is somewhere else!"

"Keith, calm do—" Hunk had tried to contain the red paladin, to no avail.

"No! If Lance isn't going to carry his own weight and help the team when we need it, then why the fuck is he even here?! He's not much of an asset if he can't be the leg of Voltron when we need him to be!"

It had been silent after that. Lance knew how Keith got when he was stressed and under pressure during battle. He knew that Keith blurted out harmful spews of words that could tear down a person's self esteem in one go. Really, he understood. It was just—Keith has never once freaked out on him.

See, the thing is, Lance thought Keith and him had a pretty good acquaintanceship going on. After the whole rivalry thing, Lance moved past it and matured from it even. He no longer saw Keith as someone he needed to compete against, someone he needed to beat to prove his own worth. Lance saw Keith as an ally, someone he could trust to have his back in battle. Someone he could trust his life with. And he thought that maybe, just _maybe_ , Keith thought the same thing. That he didn't see Lance as someone who was below him, but as someone who was right there beside him, equal and a friend. He thought that maybe Keith could have _liked_ him.

It wasn't intentionally, of course, their little friendship thing they had going on. Lance had never expected Keith to be someone he looked forward to seeing. But then Lance happened to walk in the training room while Keith was in there, battling a gladiator, and just as he was about to turn around and leave, possibly to go find Hunk and experiment with food goo again, Keith defeats the gladiator and turns around.

"Hey, wait," he had said, voice loud but unsure.

Lance had turned. "Keith! Hey buddy! I was just... looking for the restroom. Hunk is hogging the other one and I'd rather not go in there after him." His face had scrunched up in disgust even though Hunk hadn't even been in the bathroom. "So, if you don't mind..." He had tried to walk out.

"Lance you have your bayard," Keith deadpanned, pointing to the equipment in his arm.

"Oh this?" Lance waved it around with a nervous chuckle. "Not my bayard. Nope. I actually don't know _what_ it is. I should go see if Coran knows. Maybe Pidge. Because this is totally _not_ a bayard." As if on cue, the blue bayard transformed into his usual energy rifle, making Lance lurch to try and catch it. "Oh, wow!" He had laughed. "Would you look at that, it is a bayard."

Keith had rolled his eyes and walked over to him, wiping the sweat from his brow. Lance had gulped. When Keith got close enough for Lance to see the little beads of sweat dripping down his pale skin, he looked past Keith's shoulder at a random spot on the wall. Keith had smelled of sweat and musk that day, invading every one of Lance's senses. He had almost groaned.

"I actually need a sparring partner," Keith had said. Lance almost snapped his neck with how quick he looked at Keith. He was rubbing a hand awkwardly on his neck, pink tinting his cheeks and Lance hadn't know if that was from the exertion from beating the gladiator or if he had been embarrassed. He had went with the latter because it made him feel better that he wasn't the only one freaking out. "That is, if you aren't, um, busy with your...bladder."

And _fuck_ , Keith had looked so fucking adorable in that moment, hair mussed up from working out, cheeks getting redder and redder by the second. Lance had never been so fucking _gone_ for someone before.

"I guess I can go a few rounds, Kogane," he had said, smugly smirking. He pushed past Keith. "But don't go crying to Shiro when you get your ass handed to you."

Keith had chuckled, a low and deep rumble that had Lance's insides squirming. "Oh, you're _on_ , McClain."

And they had spared. And it had been nice (even though Lance lost). Something new and foreign to Lance, but nice all the same. After that, they just started... hanging out (he guessed) more. Keith came to him when he needed a sparring partner and Lance went to Keith when he wanted someone to bug. They were bonding and Lance had learned so much about Keith. About how he liked to smell his food before he ate it, no matter if it was the same thing as the night before or not; the fact that Keith pouted (a fucking adorable pout, too) when he lost an argument with someone. Lance learned that Keith was so passionate about everything he did, that he gave it his all without even thinking about it.

Lance learned that Keith's nose twitched when he was nervous, that his fingers got fidgety when he sat still for too long. Lance discovered that beneath the slate grey in Keith's eyes there were little purple flecks that bled just at the iris. Lance, after months and months of getting to know Keith and everything about him, understood that the swooping in his stomach that he felt when he was around Keith was, in fact, something other than _platonic_.

It wasn't really a surprise since he found himself always staring at Keith longer than what was considered normal. His eyes always lingered on the stray hair that seemed to fall onto his forehead and into his eyes. Lance had found himself, on more than one occasion, reaching out to fix said hair only to stop, wide-eyed and realized that, no, he can't do that because Keith was his _friend_ and friends don't do that. But Lance knew that his affections for Keith probably ran a little deeper than they were supposed to and he had totally been okay with that.

But Keith. Keith had sent him mixed signals for the longest. There was times were Lance would enter a room and he would see Keith perk up and stare at him, his cheeks tinting up in what Lance hoped was a blush. And sometimes, when Lance was stretching after a very rigorous workout, his shirt would rise up and he could see Keith in his peripheral vision, staring at that sliver of skin as though he were in a daze. And Lance wasn't an _idiot_ , despite what some people might think. He knew when someone was attracted to him. Keith. Keith was _definitely_ attracted to him. Maybe even reciprocated his feelings, if Lance was lucky.

Which it seemed he wasn't because Keith had just crushed all sense of hope that Lance had. Just took his foot and stomped right on it. And Lance wasn't okay. He remained silent for the longest, digesting Keith's words, thinking they were probably true and wondering why he ever bothered to try and be a hero that night when Shiro landed on Earth. Not even Blue had been able to cover this feeling up and Lance had know that everyone felt it through the bond; a deep, vicious feeling of defeat and sorrow.

"Lance," Keith had started. "I—"

"Hey, buddy, don't worry about it." Lance had laughed, amazed at how it sounded like his normal one. He had flown Blue towards a Galra ship and destroyed it. "Let's just form Voltron and defeat this Galra fleet. Right, team?" He had flown in transformation, pushing everything out of his mind except for Voltron and forming it, almost believing it when they almost transformed. Only for it to fail. Again.

"This isn't working!" Pidge had yelled, frustrated. "We need to make a plan and defeat it while we're separated."

Shiro had said, "Good idea, Pidge! Everyone separate and take out as many Galra ships as you can while I think of something to take that ion cannon with."

And that's what they were doing right now. Still waiting for the word from Shiro as they attempted to take out as many ships as they could. Pidge blasts a line of ships with their cannon and Hunk hammers into a whole row of them. Shiro's Lion rams through the giant ship with his mouth sword, damaging the side and causing explosions throughout. Keith, of course, is having the least trouble of them all as he uses his magma cannon (whatever it is called, Lance doesn't care) to melt through ship after ship. Lance, himself, dodges another wave of lasers, bobbing and weaving through them ruggedly. He tries to maneuver past one, but is too slow and it rams into his side.

Lance grunts as he's thrown around the cockpit of Blue. He clenches his teeth against a groan as the go flying through the galaxy, wondering why the hell this always happens to him.

"Lance!" Hunk shouts worriedly. "Lance, are you okay?!"

"M'fine, buddy," Lance mumbles when he gets control of Blue. He brings her system back up and looks out, gulping. A whole fleet is headed right towards him and he needs to move. Now. "Come on, Blue. Let's go, girl." He pumps the handles, boosting the rockets and soaring past the fleet, terrified that he isn't going to make it past them in time and that he'll be the reason Blue gets taken or damaged. Blue rumbles beneath him, sending a pleasant thought into his mind, an assuring thought that makes Lance feel one hundred times lighter. Lance focuses on that one thought, the one memory and let's the feeling of freedom take over him once more, a warm, familiar sensation that he only got when he was flying coiling around him like a warm blanket. He whoops and hollers, laughing manically it almost seemed as though he were crazy and Blue is right there with him, roaring loudly.

He takes down ship after ship, letting Blue help him. She is constant in his mind, assisting him with how to handle his turns, how to take down a ship more easily. Lance is grateful, wonders what he did to deserve such a wonderful companion. Blue purrs back, sending back something that translates to the same thing he is feeling. He smiles, wide and content and says, "Let's form Voltron, Shiro!"

And form Voltron they do.

* * *

 

Lance wakes up warm, content. He is snuggled into blankets, curled up in a bed so soft he wonders if it's made of feathers. Blearily, he blinks his eyes open, squinting hard at the luminous light that shines through—wait, light? Bright, yellow light that beams in through Lance's... window? Lance shoots out of bed in a second, eyes wide with shock and surprise. He glances around what used to be his old room before the twins moved in, seeing the giant NASA posters covering the dark blue walls. His glow in the dark stars are still on the ceiling and his desk is just as messy as he left it when he left for the Garrison. Lance gapes.

_There's no way_ , he thinks, squinting at the sunlight (he can _see_ the sun) gleaming through his open window. _There is no way this is happening_.

But, it seems as though it is. Lance hears, a few moments later, chatter coming from downstairs. He is beaming before he knows it, throwing the door to his bedroom open and sprinting into the small kitchen where the twins, Mya and Aliana, are giggling madly over their plates of french toast. Before he can stop himself, Lance lets out a joyful laugh, wrapping his lanky arms around the eight-year-old girls.

"Ew," Mya says, pushing at his face, "get off."

"Yeah, bro," Aliana adds, "you smell like boy and cooties."

Lance says, "You don't even know what cooties smell like, dumbass." He chuckles again, his chest light and happy as he tightly grips his two sisters. He wonders briefly how he got here, but then shakes it off, focusing on the radiating warmth emitting from his sisters.

"Mama," Aliana calls out, whining, "Lance called us a dumbass."

Lance rolls his eyes but perks up again. His mother is here? He turns to the kitchen's entrance just in time for her to walk in, dark brown hair pulled up in a messy bun. There is an apron laying flat against her, one that his brother, Elijah, bought her for Mother's Day one year. It is a pastel pink with flowers dotted all over it. Lance has never been so glad to see the thing in his life. His mother's dark sapphire eyes are glaring at him, but she doesn't seem mad.

"Lance," she says, "how many times do I have to tell you? Don't curse at the girls, _hijo_."

He stares at her for a moment, taking in her tan complexion and her soft, teasing grin. Lance _stares_ and feels. He feels so damn much. It has been so long since he's heard the melodic voice of his mother scold him. It has been so long since he's heard her native language—one that she taught them when they were younger but didn't force on them. It has been so long since he saw her, his beautiful mama, with her silky hair and big eyes and compassionate personality. Lance takes in a deep breath, and cries. He runs to his mother and clutches at her, crying into her shoulder awkwardly since he towers over her and has to bend down a little to reach her tiny frame.

" _Mama_ ," he whispers into her neck brokenly. "I missed you so much, Mama." He clutches her like a lifeline, afraid that if he lets go, even the slightest bit, she'll disappear. And he doesn't want that. He needs her.

"Lance? _Novio_ , what's wrong?" She sounds worried and Lance hates himself for making her feel like she needs to be concerned. He wants her to be happy too, thinks that she should be because he is _home_ , he is home and everything is _okay_.

Lance pulls away and says, "Nothing, Mama." He smiles wide, a toothy grin that has her grinning back. "So, where's Papa?"

"Your father is away for a business trip. Should be home soon." His mother walks over to the stove in small five steps, turning it on and plopping a spoonful of sugar into the pan sitting on the burner. She turns to Lance. "Would you like some french toast?"

With a nod, Lance pulls out the chair and sits across from Mya and beside Aliana. He eats the french toast when his mother passes him a plate, almost sobbing again at the fact that it was something other that food goo but holding himself back for the sake of getting teased by his sisters. He makes small talk with his mother, talking about his other family, how his abuela is taking care of baby Gianna for the week and about Elijah is now going for his Bachelors degree in marine biology in college. Lance feels something pleasant and familiar wrap around him like a blanket. Sitting her, with his mother is almost something of a dream—something he has imagined so many times, dreamed of so many times only to wake up disappointed, tears streaming down his face in hot streaks.

Which is why he can't help but feel as though something is off. This feels real enough to him, almost too real for him to grasp. Lance's upturned lips twitch down into a confused frown. He glances around their tiny home. Usually there is always some kind of extended family here, especially when Lance is in. But it was empty, save for the four of them. Lance furrows his brows and thinks back to how his room was _his_ room, not the twins's newly decorated room. It is dark blue now, a navy blue that Lance had loved the moment he saw it, not the pastel yellow that they painted it when he left. Lance's frown deepens. He looks at his mom. She is still smiling. His heart sinks.

"Mama," he starts hesitantly, "where's the team?"

"The team?" she asks curiously, tilting her head.

Lance's heart stops. He would have told his mama about the team, about Voltron, everything, had he come back on his own, after Zarkon was defeated and balance was restored to every planet out there. He probably would have brought them down to meet his family. There is no probably about it—Lance _definitely_ would have done it, because he will never pass up the chance to gloat about how amazingly great his team was. He frowns harder, feeling something nasty clench in his stomach. The french toast he ate — or didn't eat because this was a fucking _dream_ — is about to come back up, but he swallows it down roughly.

His throat feels like sandpaper when he says, "Mama, you're not real." And he almost cries again, because he had been _so_ close to being with his family once more, to being back home in paradise where he belonged, really. But that isn't the case. His mother's smile wavers, her lips puckering like she tasted something sour before she grins once more.

"Of course I am, baby," she stands and walks over to him, caressing his cheeks in a way that should be loving but makes Lance's stomach clench, "I am real. _This_ is real." She presses her forehead against his. Lances pushes her away. He wants to be with his mother again, but he doesn't think these circumstances are the best.

This dream feels a lot different from the ones Lance has had in the past. Those moments are more like memories, something Lance has already lived, already seen. In those dreams, he sees the day he told his family that he got accepted into the Garrison; he sees his abuelo's seventieth birthday party; he sees Gianna being born again; he sees his cousin Xavier juggling a soccer ball between his feet lazily; he sees the blue waves of the ocean roaring at him as he sifts through them for another seashell. Now, he sees nothing but emptiness as his mother holds onto him. There's no family surrounding him like there should be, there's no laughter or happiness or elation. There's nothing but the four of them, in a vacant house that felt colder than it was supposed to.

Lance steps back with tears in his eyes, a sharp pain running throughout his body. He turns, wondering what to do next, wondering how to wake up from this cursed dream so he can return to the other paladins along with Allura and Coran. He wants to see them, desires to be surrounded by the people he's come to call his family in the short months that he's been with him. Lance wants to see Pidge push their glasses up one more time while they work on something important and Galra related; he wants to see Shiro's twitchy eye when something bothers the man too much; he longs to see Coran once more, to hear his warm voice echo through Lance's ears as the man tells him another one of his stories from his time on Altea; he wants to flirt with Allura again, wishes to see her annoyed furrow of eyebrows even though her eyes smile wide at him because it is something she is used to and doesn't really mind since she knows it is harmless flirting and doesn't go anywhere beyond a friendly teasing.

He wants to see Keith.

Lance wants to see Keith's stupid mullet that should be hideous but somehow works for him. Lance longs to hear Keith go on and on about his conspiracies and how he _knows_ that Mothman is out there; he wants to see Keith train, his body moving so fluidly you would almost think he was dancing. He wants to feel the heat of Keith against him as they sit side by side on the couch, talking their way late into the night about anything and everything. He wants to see the blush that dances at the back of Keith's ears, creeping up to his cheeks when Lance shamelessly flirts with him.

He looks at his mom, feeling guilty and sorrowful but not changing his mind. He decides that one day he will see his family again. Lance refuses to die before embracing his mother once more. He refuses to die before he can introduce his family on Earth to his other family in space. He gives his mama a small, sad grin. He hugs her.

"I _will_ come back," he says. "I promise."

When he pulls back, his mother is still smiling but it is reassuring this time. It isn't the creepy one she had just been giving him moments prior. She caresses his cheeks again and Lance feels the warmth. "I know, honey," she tells him fondly. "Now, go. They're worried about you."

Lance furrows his eyebrows in confusion, but before he can ask the world around him spins and he goes down.

Blackness greets him.

* * *

 

Lance wakes up cold. He feels like he has been drugged and thinks that's probably the case, giving the fact that he is currently in a healing pod. It hisses open as he blearily blinks, trying to jog his memory into remember exactly _how_ he managed to get himself in here. He steps out on wobbly legs, feeling weak and drained, not at all like in his dream. The world blurs as his legs give out, him tripping over himself and onto what he thinks is going to be the hard ground.

"Woah, there." Hands are there, steadying him. Lance looks up and sees Hunk. Hunk smiles. "Hey, pal. You're alright." He gives Lance a big hug and Lance resists the urge to cry. His eyes already feels swollen and he doesn't know how that happened.

"What the quiznak happened?" he asks, clearing his throat when it comes out strained. He stares at his friend. "Why am I getting out of a healing pod, Hunk?"

Hunk frowns like he's unsure. He says, "Let me get the others and we'll explain it, okay?"

Lance nods sleepily. He doesn't tell Hunk that he missed him because he thinks that might be weird, considering the fact that he was the one in the cryopod, not his best friend. Instead he snags Hunk's warmth, snuggling into him and sighing out in content, the familiar smell of spice and engine oil greeting him. Hunk basically carries him over to a big monitor, pressing down on a button and saying, "Guys, Lance is awake."

And it seems as though that was code for rush into the med bay and crush Lance in one big giant group hug. He, understandably, groans as they all crowd him, because although he loves the attention and hugs, his ribs are sore and he still doesn't know _why_. Shiro is the one who supports him as everyone back away in a rush as though Lance was a searing fire they had gotten burned by.

"Yo, guys," he says in a lazy tone. "It's nice to see you, too." He attempts a smile, letting the familiar faces cloud his vision.

There is Allura, looking stunning even when tears are welling in her eyes and Pidge, who looks like they want to kick and hug Lance at the same time. He grins at them reassuringly because Pidge is like another sibling to him and he wants them to know that he is, in fact, okay. Coran gives him a relieved grin when Lance turns his eyes on him, his bright orange mustache comforting to Lance. Lance furrows his eyebrows at the missing person.

Keith is not here.

He tries not to let that sting too much and allows Hunk to assist him to his room to exchange this white jumpsuit for his usual attire. Once done with that, he and Hunk walk to the dining hall and Lance sifts through his memories to try and think of something that could explain his condition. His whole body ached incredibly, every move needing to be slow and calculated so as not to disturb his aching muscles. Lance sees a flicker of a Galra ship, hears himself screaming angrily as Voltron is separated, and can almost feel Blue's rumble in the back of his mind as he went spinning away.

Everyone (minus Keith, of course) is sitting in their assigned but not really assigned seats when Lance and Hunk arrive. Lance feels a sense of deja vu as he takes a seat beside Pidge, Hunk plopping down next to him. Coran shoves a bowl of food goo towards him and Lance starts spooning it down. He stares at Shiro.

"So. . . ," he trails off, "what happened?" He is blunt, not beating around the bush like usual.

Shiro frowns as though contemplating his words. He looks towards Allura and then back to Lance.

"Okay," he starts, "what do you remember?"

"I remember an alarm, running to my Lion, kicking some Galra ass then forming Voltron." There's more to it than that and Lance knows this, he just doesn't really feel like voicing how much of a complete and utter failure he was that day.

Allura says, "Yes, well, that is not all. You _did_ form Voltron, however, the connection was not strong enough and you guys were forced to separate." Lance nods. He remembers this. "And well, it wasn't going too well. . ." She bites her lip. Lance sighs. "The ion cannon located on the massive Galra ship was loaded, ready to attack the Castle of Lions. But before it could. . ." The princess swallows and Lance can see tears welling in her eyes. "Well, before anyone could really react to it, you and the Blue Lion were racing in front of us and you guys took the blow." A tear falls and Lance allows himself to take in the information.

He remembers it clearly now. Blue rumbling at him had been a warning, a demand that he get out of the way as quickly as possible. But Lance—Lance had been too determined to correct his mistakes to really care what Blue had had to say (think) to him. So he went for the Castle and protected it. He remembers screaming, pain and then it was lights out for him.

"Huh," he says. He leans back in his chair and eats more food goo. "Does that make me a superhero now? Are you guys going to start calling me Lancelot?"

Everyone hesitantly chuckles but Hunk looks like he's about to cry or something and Lance does not need that happening right now. Nope. He glances around like Keith will be sitting in his usual spot and wonders why he is so disappointed that the red paladin is absent. Lance finishes his food goo and is suddenly exhausted.

He pushes back his chair. "Well, I think that's enough reminiscing for the night." Lance thinks of Blue and asks, "Is Blue alright?"

And Coran looks sad again. Lance frowns, stomach churning. He resists the urge to run to the hangar to check on his Lion and listens to Coran say, "Blue has. . . suffered from some damages." He notices the devastation on Lance's face, says, "But she's okay! Me and Hunk," Hunk smiles proudly, "have been working on her night and day so she should be up and ready in a tic!"

The news does not do much to quell the sharp pain in Lance's chest but it's a start. He hates himself, for a quick second, because Blue tried to get him not to be a self-sacrificing ass, but Lance was too consumed by the fact that he had been giving his fellow paladins a lot more work because he couldn't stop being _selfish_  for one measly minute. It had been his fault that they couldn't form Voltron and his fault alone. He pushes his chair back and stands. 

"I think I'll go see her." Lance bites his tongue so he doesn't ask about Keith. He thinks it's rather obvious that the red paladin doesn't want to see him, considering that he didn't show up while Lance was in cryo. 

Everyone lets him leave when he promises that he's fine and that he isn't going to strain himself more than he needs to. He won't admit it, but their worry and concern sends a certain warmth through him and Lance almost wants to cry as he leaves the dining hall. 

He weaves his way through the too big castle and wonders if it has gotten larger in amount of time he's been out. And then he takes a moment to wonder how long it was since he was put in cryo because no one informed him of that. He enters his hangar and it feels lifeless and empty because his head isn't running with thoughts that Blue produces and Lance doesn't know whether to cry or not. 

When he actually _sees_  Blue, Lance does cry. Well, not like big fat tears rolling down his face like a baby because Lance is anything _but_. It is more like he wants to cry and his throat burns and his eyes are watery and there's a couple tears falling but he can't allow himself anymore. Like that. 

Blue is — for a lack of a better word — destroyed. And okay, Lance is over exaggerating because she isn't destroyed, just damaged, but it's about the same thing in his eyes. Lance is not too sure what he's seeing but there's dents and holes and faded paint that looks more like it was blasted off than anything. Lance slowly, hesitantly walks up to her because he feels so, so terrible about this and he wishes he could do something but he _can't_  because he doesn't have Hunk's engineering skills or Pidge's enormous amounts of knowledge to help him out and it _sucks_. He gets closer and its worse because her left eye has a crack in it and there are so many wires sticking out that Lance hates seeing. She looks lifeless and not okay and it's all Lance's fault. 

Her right paw is dented and smashed in a little but Lance sits on it anyway because it's the paw he always sits on when he comes in the hangar for late night visits because his dreams became too dark for him to handle and he needed some kind of comfort. (Usually he would have gone to Hunk because Hunk always knows what to do when Lance has a nightmare but Lance understands that Hunk loves sleep and he hates bothering him, honestly.) 

Lance sits there for awhile and he doesn't know if he's crying for her or him. He feels empty and hollow and not at all like someone who was just granted a second chance at life should feel. He curls up and realizes that he's currently still in the jumpsuit either Allura or Coran always put them in before they go under. It contrasts against his tan skin and he stares at his hands and wishes that Blue were working. 

"I messed up," he says into the empty room and it sounds too loud even though he barely whispered it. He shakes his head, clenches his fist and closes his eyes. "I messed up, Blue. The team was in danger because of me and I was reckless and stupid and so _fucking_  useless—" 

He can't continue because his throat is aching and his eyes are burning and he feels so _fucking_ bad and he wants to make it right and he wants to forget about everything that happened, but the memories come back and they replay in his head on a loop. Lance thinks about his Mama and Papa and sisters and brother and he thinks about his family here. His tiny space family. 

About Shiro and Allura and Coran and Pidge and Hunk and Keith and his heart feels sad and his eyes are wet and he wishes he could get rid of this emotion. He knows that deep down, the other paladins and Allura and Coran blame Lance for the mission gone wrong but he knows they won't say anything because they never do. Well, okay, Shiro and Allura chew him out on a daily basis for messing up, but really, that's just because Lance does stupid things like challenging Hunk to a food goo competition or teasing Pidge while they were working just because he was bored. Things like that. He sees them give him these--these _looks_  when he compromises a crucial mission but they won't say anything until Shiro hunts him down later and, in a really soft voice, says that maybe Lance could have done better, could have been there on time. 

Lance understands, really, but sometimes he wishes that Shiro would yell at him and scold him like he does Keith. Because yelling means he cares and sometimes Lance just thinks that no one cares. That they just put up with his mediocre piloting skill and more than subpar shooting skills. That Lance is just a substitute until they can find someone more suitable for the Blue Lion. 

With a sigh, Lance shakes his head and hops off of Blue's paw. He's about to go take a steaming shower and then try and sleep the memories away, but the door to the hangar is opening and Keith is walking in and suddenly Lance can't move. 

Keith is sweating and panting as he walks towards Lance. His head is down and his hair is plastered onto his face. He had been training. Lance stays still and his heart is pounding and the blood is rushing to his ears and he wants to run but his legs feel like lead. 

When Keith looks up, Lance sees grey eyes that always have a flicker of lilac in them staring into his own. Keith bites his lip. Lance swallows. Keith stops almost three feet away from Lance and remains standing there for almost three minutes. Lance doesn't know what to do or how to go about this because sure, he wants to talk to Keith, but he doesn't know what to say. What are you supposed to say to someone who may or may not be angry with you? Lance sure as hell does not know. 

He coughs, shuffles on his feet and is about to walk out because it looks like Keith isn't going to say anything and he doesn't have anything he really wants to say right now, either. But Keith looks up again and really _stares_  at Lance and Lance fidgets under the scrutinizing gaze of the red paladin. 

"Staring is creepy, Keith," says Lance. "We've been over this before, buddy." He tries for a nervous laugh but it dies short. 

Keith still stares. 

"Okay, now you're just being weird," Lance mutters and averts his gaze to the ceiling of the hangar. 

Keith ( _finally_ ) says, "You're out." 

Lance nods. "Yep." He doesn't bother saying more because he really does not feel like talking right now. 

Keith coughs, fiddles with his gloves that do not actually cover his _whole_  hand and stares at Lance again. Lance frowns and feels a little bad. While Keith may be the bluntest, most angriest person he has ever met, Lance also knows that Keith is not very good with words. Like, he can talk and all that jazz but sometimes Lance sees him struggling to get a sentence out because Keith hasn't really socialized with anyone in like, two years, at the most. Even at the Garrison, Keith kept to himself and strayed away from large crowds. So, yes, Lance understands that Keith is having a hard time right now. 

However, Lance does not really know how to go about this. Because he thinks that Keith may want to apologize for what happened earlier? Which is water under the bridge by the way. Lance probably forgave Keith right after he said it because it's Keith and Keith speaks nothing but the truth so Lance has to respect him for that. 

But also, Keith could want to say congrats for getting out of cryo and _I'm glad you're not dead_. Stuff like that. 

Keith goes for the, "I'm glad you're not dead," option but it sounds like an earnest apology, too, so Lance will take it. 

He pats Keith on the shoulder. "I'm glad I'm not dead, too, pal." Lance gives him a small grin. 

Keith shakes his head like what Lance said doesn't please him. He looks at Lance again and tells him, "I'm _really_  glad you're not dead." 

"I'm really glad I'm not dead, too." Lance furrows his eyebrows. Takes his hand off Keith shoulders. He asks, "Are you okay, Keith? Do you need a healing pod?" 

But Keith shakes his head again and he looks frustrated which is normal so Lance thinks nothing of it because maybe this is Keith going back into their routine. Keith gets angry at Lance. Lance laughs. Repeat. 

With another grin shot at Keith, Lance says, "Well as much fun as this has been—and really, it's been a delight—I think I'm going to go wash away my sins." And he points towards the door and walks past Keith because he really wants (and needs) to shower and that wasn't going to happen if he was in here.

Keith makes this noise behind Lance and before Lance can comprehend anything, Keith grabs his wrist and he spins him around and arms are around his neck and lips are on his and holy quiznak, Keith is kissing him. Keith _fucking_ Kogane is kissing Lance. Like legit mouth-on-mouth action. Lance thinks he might be dead, honestly. 

But then Keith's pulling away before Lance can even get over his shock and inner glee and he's staring at Lance. Lance is wide-eyed, but there's a closed-mouth smile on his face and he might be dazed because Keith just fucking kissed him and his heart is pounding and he feels like he was just electrocuted but in a good way. 

Keith's face is burning crimson and he looks so embarrassed but relieved and Lance laughs. He laughs and laughs and laughs and when Keith tries to leave because he assumes Lance is mocking him, Lance pulls him in an embrace and laughs some more. 

"You _like_ me," he says in a sing-song voice. He has his arms around Keith's shoulders. Keith is tense against him. "Oh wow, you actually _like_ me. This is great. Wonderful. Terrific." 

Keith grumbles, "You're mocking me." There's a pout in his voice that Lance thinks is too adorable. 

He says, "Not mocking. Accepting. As in I accept your feelings Keith Kogane. Please take care of me from now on." 

"We're not a fucking shoujo manga, Lance," says Keith but when he pulls back to look at Lance, he's got a tiny grin on his face. 

"Oh, but we could be." Lance beams so wide that his eyes almost shut and he forgets about everything in that moment because it's just him and Keith and Keith and him. There's not Galra to worry about, no family to miss, no injuries to hurt him. It's just Lance and the boy he likes, sharing a very real (and fucking _cute_ ) moment together. 

Lance looks at Keith. Keith stares at Lance. They meet in the middle and this kiss is like magma, slow and burning, seeping underneath Lance's skin until he feels like he's on fire. He grips at Keith and Keith tugs back but he's mindful and careful as if not to disturb the sensitive spots on Lance's body. Lance is grateful and they embrace each other for a long moment. 

* * *

 

Bright colors fill up Lance's vision and there is laughter all around him. He is squished next to Keith at the end of the couch and Hunk is beside Keith and Allura and Shiro are sharing the love seat while Pidge and Coran take over the floor. 

They're playing some kind of Altean child's game (it was the only game that wouldn't lead to a near death experience) and it's kind of like Monopoly back on Earth except for you're supposed to fight for the property, not out buy the previous owner. And there's a lot of foreign words that Lance cannot understand for the life of him. But it's entertaining and even though he lost all his land because it seems everyone is good at arm wrestling (an alternative to actual fight since Shiro thought it'd be best they keep the violence to a minimum) but him and now he's almost broke and struggling to make it through. 

When it's his turn again, Lance loses the last bit of property he had and he manfully does not cry but he does tear up as Shiro takes the last sliver of hope he had left, along with his playing piece that was called a Kleptgork or something. Lance doesn't really know but it was furry and looked nicer than some of the other creatures, so he used it. (And he loved it because all the creatures and characters were like, _alive_ , and they moved on cue. It was _amazing_.)

"This game is rigged!" he exclaims, watching Shiro take _everything_ from him. He squints suspiciously at him and Allura, who have been over there whispering and giggling during the whole game. "You guys are totally cheating! I don't believe this!"

"Lance, I am a woman of truth," says Allura, "I would never do something so devious." 

But Lance would not put it past her because Shiro and Pidge were the only ones besides the two Alteans that were excelling in this game and Pidge is great at everything they do so Lance can't really be mad at them. But Shiro should not be succeeding this much, not without help. 

"I think they're cheating," says Keith, raising his hand like he was in class. 

Everyone groans. 

Hunk says, "That's because you agree with everything Lance says." 

"He does not!" Lance exclaims indignantly. 

Keith nods. "Yeah, I don't!" 

Pidge gives them a look basically proves Hunks point and Lance groans into his hands. 

"Okay, so maybe we agree on some things, but Allura and Shiro _are_  cheating." 

"Am not," says Shiro. 

Coran says, "You are doing rather well for a beginner." 

Shiro is indignant. "So is Pidge!" 

Everyone nods. Hunk says, "That's a given though. They're good at everything, Shiro." 

Pidge looks proud at the praise. Lance shakes his head at them. Keith snickers from beside him. Lance grabs hold of his hand and intertwines them together. Keith blushes and Lance can feel the heat rising on his face but he gives Keith a smile anyway. 

"For the last time, I haven't cheated!" 

And Lance laughs and the team argues some more until it is revealed that Allura _was_  helping Shiro out and then everyone gangs up on him and he has to forfeit them game (as in Coran executes—like a legit execution with swords and axes and explosives—his player and takes all of his land). It is fun and warm and Lance has never felt so content in his life.

Later, when Lance is in his little niche, he feels someone sit down next to him. Keith takes his hand silently and Lance grins towards the stars. He doesn't say anything but Lance gets it anyway. He wraps an arm around Keith and thinks about home and family and how, when this is all over, he's going to introduce his boyfriend to his family. For the first time in a long time, the thought of his family back on earth does not bring sadness into Lance's heart. 

He feels free and happy and his heart is soaring and Keith is here next to him and it makes it better. Sure, he still has some days where the homesickness gets to him, but everyone helps him cope. Keith, Coran, Hunk, Pidge, Shiro, and Blue, who is well and running again thanks to Coran and Hunk. They comfort him when he needs it and push him in the right direction and Lance could not be more grateful to be stuck in a castle with anyone else. 

Keith rests his head on Lance's shoulder. Lance looks down to see that he's dozed off. He places a kiss on Keith's head and sighs in contentment. Lance looks out at the stars and decides that he'll wake Keith up soon. 

The stars are gleaming and bright and Lance has never loved the black void as much as he does right now. 

**Author's Note:**

> So this turned out not so great. I was aiming for something else and then something else happened and here we are. I love it though. Thank you for reading!


End file.
